


raining in paris

by lucasotteli



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Boys In Love, But also, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sappy stuff, can you tell i have no idea how to tag ??, i would say its p light, they're just in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:41:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27035113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucasotteli/pseuds/lucasotteli
Summary: "you and i, we exist on the same plane of time as the stars, the sunshine, the moonlight. as each other." eliott took a deep breath at that, and lucas moved a bit closer to him, taking his face in his hands once more and wiping his tears. "doesn't that count for something?"or, on a rainy night, lucas proves to be eliott's only star.
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Comments: 11
Kudos: 98





	raining in paris

**Author's Note:**

> title is from [raining in paris](https://youtu.be/lozwVvEtgfw) by the maine, one of my fave songs ever.
> 
> this started as just me trying to get some yucky thoughts out but here it is now, about twenty days later in a short drabble. and writing stuff to share is still a lil scary, so please be gentle with me. i don't have much to add here, but i thank you for joining me on this short 2K journey of navigating the ruins of my brain.

it was two in the morning, and eliott couldn’t sleep. 

he’d been laying here with lucas for hours, listening as his breathing became deep and even with peaceful sleep with his head on eliott’s chest. eliott pet his hair silently, hoping he’d fall asleep himself, but he just couldn’t. the silence that was initially comfortable soon became a heaviness with no name, one that made him ache profoundly. and lucas laying on him like this was usually warm and grounding and familiar, but was now making him unbearably hot. he couldn’t stand it.

eliott carefully slipped away from lucas, trying his very best not to wake him, and got up from their bed, grabbing a cigarette on his way to the windowsill. there, he sat and watched the rain through the window as it glittered in the streetlights and pattered incessantly against the roof. there weren’t any stars, just his stupid thoughts on overdrive and this stupid rain. rain in his world, rain in his mind, and rain in his heart. 

it was almost as if his mind was at war with his body. his bones ached with the need for sleep, still craving more from when he didn’t sleep the night before, but his brain was wide awake, crowding his mind with intrusive thoughts. thoughts about the impermanence of everything, the idea of nothing ever lasting. even the most miniscule ease that came from each drag was gone as soon as it came. the rain outside would be gone all the same. 

those soon turned into thoughts about how the love and safety he felt here in the apartment with lucas could soon stop. he could very well leave, taking eliott’s whole heart with him. and sure, he couldn’t take the memories, but all they’d do is fill his head with _why, why would he leave, why wasn’t i enough?_ it all could be fleeting like everything else. and it hurt more than he had words for in this moment. 

so here he was — thinking of everything and nothing while soaking in uncertainties and thoughts of what could be, desperately hoping that lucas would stay asleep and not find him like this.

•••

lucas breathed deeply as he turned over, reaching out in the space beside him to discover the familiar warmth of eliott absent from the bed. he opened his eyes, looking around the room for him. lucas found his other half sitting in the windowsill, appearing silhouetted from where he was laying and blowing out cigarette smoke. there was something somber in the vision, something alerting him that eliott was not okay. he got up immediately, rubbing his eyes and walking over to him slowly.

“eli?” he whispered, sitting beside him and placing a hand on his knee. eliott didn’t even look at him, just crushed his cigarette in the ashtray, avoiding eye contact. “hey. eliott look at me.”

eliott swallowed hard before lifting his eyes to meet lucas’, and his heart panged to see eliott’s filled with tears. lucas could tell he was really trying not to cry, and he didn’t want him to either, but when lucas took his face in his hands, eliott shut his eyes and the tears fell. lucas couldn’t help but think about how beautiful he was, too beautiful to be sitting before him looking so tired, so _broken_. 

“talk to me,” lucas pleaded gently, but eliott shook his head, breathing shakily. “baby, please.”

“i can’t.”

“eli…”

“i just…it all just...feels dark,” eliott told him after a few beats of silence, his voice tearful and uneven. “like...everything...”

he didn’t finish, just pushed lucas’ hands away, looking away from him. lucas knew it wasn’t personal; after a little over a year, he’s learned to not take it to heart. but it still _hurt_. he watched eliott as he tried to find the words, his gaze unfocused as he watched the rain outside.

“heavy. like everything is heavy. like the inside of my brain is just—it’s all...too much and nothing at all. and there’s not even fucking stars in the sky,” he laughed humorlessly, gesturing out the window. he looked at lucas then, his eyes incredibly sad, and lucas couldn’t help but reach out and grab his hand. “no stars, zero. how fucked up is that?”

“just because you can’t see them doesn’t mean they’re not there, eliott,” lucas informed gently, giving his hand a squeeze. “they’re there. they’re always there.”

“like you.”

“me?”

“yeah. always there. but one day, the stars will die, all of them. everything will. _we_ will.” more tears fell before he continued, sounding smaller than before. “everything is so fucking temporary and i hate it.”

“but...right now, we’re here,” lucas tried. eliott shook his head, not looking at him anymore. lucas really was trying, though, and he hoped eliott knew that. “we are. we’re sitting here together, no? and nothing lasts forever, sure, but aren’t you somewhat happy to exist within the same timeline as these things?”

“what are you even talking about, lucas?”

“you and i, we exist on the same plane of time as the stars, the sunshine, the moonlight. as each other.” eliott took a deep breath at that, and lucas moved a bit closer to him, taking his face in his hands once more and wiping his tears. “doesn’t that count for something?”

the minimal light from outside was enough for eliott to see the spark in his eyes, to see how much that idea meant to him. and as much as thinking about existence as a whole scared him sometimes, it all made sense in this moment, there was a comfort in it. so he nodded, leaning forward to rest his forehead against lucas’ and closing his eyes once more. he heard lucas exhale in relief, and eliott swallowed hard before he spoke.

“it does. of course it does.”

“you don’t have to say that if you don’t believe it,” lucas told him, voice quiet as if he’d burst their bubble of softness if he spoke any louder. 

“i know.”

neither of them said anything for a bit, just listening to each other’s breathing amidst the sound of the rain that was still falling. sitting here with lucas like this wasn’t some kind of panacea, not by any means, but he made everything...better. like everything maybe wasn’t as bad as he felt it was. lucas was right — existing on the same plane as the one person that made him feel whole and good and validated in every way _did_ count for something. it did.

“i love you,” eliott thought aloud. “i know i don’t tell you enough, but i do.”

“you tell me every day, eli.”

“should be telling you every second.” 

lucas breathed a laugh at that, and eliott pulled back to look at him. lucas was smiling, genuinely, and eliott was glad he took that sad, worried look off of his face. lucas was perfection and way too pretty to frown. he deserved happiness always. they both did, even though eliott struggled with that idea sometimes. 

“i love you too, for the record,” lucas told him, leaning forward to press a quick kiss to his lips. “more than you’ll ever know. as much as i love you, it’s late and we need to go to bed. i won’t make you come now if you’re not ready, but soon, okay?” 

he looked at eliott thoughtfully, unable to really tell how he might’ve been feeling. when he didn’t seem to oppose at all, lucas got up and started to walk back to bed. before lucas could get too far, eliott reached out and grabbed his hand in both of his own, holding on tight. lucas startled a little at the movement, not expecting it in the slightest, and eliott just looked at him as if he was trying to find the words to say.

“what is it, my love?” he questioned gently, but eliott didn’t have an answer, not really. it all just felt too real without him. lucas leaving felt too soon right now. but eliott saw that he was sleepy, knowing he was tired and probably wanted nothing more than to lay down once again. 

“just...” he started to say, taking a deep breath before continuing. “kind of wanted you to stay and sit with me, actually. if that’s okay. at least just for a little bit.”

his initial lack of response made eliott panic at first, thinking he would say no. eliott wouldn’t even blame him, honestly. but before he could even allow his brain to linger on that idea, lucas climbed into his lap, laying against his chest and silencing all his worries. eliott wrapped his arms around him and pressed a kiss to the top of his head, breathing him in as lucas held onto him. he was truly the embodiment of comfort and love. eliott never wanted to let him go. 

“hey, eliott?” lucas spoke up after a while, breaking the silence. eliott hummed in acknowledgment in lieu of verbally answering, resting his cheek against his hair and closing his eyes for a moment. “the darkness is temporary too. that’s all i wanted to say, okay?”

and something about that struck a chord. _the darkness is temporary too_. he wasn’t sure how lucas meant it, whether literally in reference to the night or figuratively and talking about his thoughts, but it was as if that was the one thing he needed to hear. that this, too, shall pass. this feeling will not stay; it wasn’t forever. 

eliott held him a little tighter then, not even having sufficient words to tell him how much he loved him in this moment and always. he swallowed hard as his eyes welled with more tears before responding with a whispered, “okay.”

•••

lucas sat with him for a while. how long exactly, eliott wasn’t too sure. long enough, though, that the window began to fog up with their body heat. eliott watched as lucas wrote “ily” a few times in the fog with his messy scrawl, along with some smiley faces before trying to gauge a game of tic tac toe with eliott, who just laughed and buried his face in the fluff of his boyfriend’s hair.

long enough that sleepiness got the best of him and lucas fell asleep to eliott’s soft humming while still wrapped up in his arms. by the time eliott even noticed, lucas was softly snoring, a tell tale sign that he wasn’t going to wake too easily. 

usually this would be the other way around — lucas would be petting eliott’s hair, whispering that he was okay and he loved him as he tried to even out his breathing. his head would be in lucas’ lap and he’d lay there until how emotionally drained he was caught up with him and sleep washed over him. this switch was one eliott didn't mind, though. lucas was so good to him, making sure he knew he was safe and loved, and this time, eliott wanted to give that feeling right back to him. 

he moved slowly and with caution as he carried lucas to their bed, tucking him in and making sure he was comfortable before climbing in beside him, pressing a kiss to his shoulder. he looked at him for a while, simply taking in the sight of him — the angle of his jaw, the pout of his lips, the overall peace of his face. he couldn’t help but think he was the luckiest to have someone as beautiful as lucas, inside and out. 

“you’re all of it for me,” eliott told him, keeping his voice low. he knew lucas wasn’t listening, but he needed to say it anyway. “the stars, the sun, the moon. they’re no competition for you.” 

lucas’ voice popped in his head with his usual reminder, _you don't have to say that if you don’t believe it_. but he did this time, he thinks. just like this time, he thinks for a moment that he will be okay and believes it. believes that even though it’s all temporary, there’s maybe a forever in their love, a forever in what he feels for the boy lying here beside him.

**Author's Note:**

> as always, thank you for reading if you've made it this far! come find me on [ tumblr ](https://let-them-lovexx.tumblr.com/)


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